"Just Another Day?" Learning to Celebrate Without Expectations

As parents, caregivers, nurturers, and encouragers, it’s second nature for us to pour our hearts into celebrating the milestones and achievements of those we love. When someone we care about reaches a new chapter—whether it’s graduation, a new job, or another major life event—we often go above and beyond, hoping our excitement will be matched, or at least appreciated. But what happens when our loved ones don’t respond with the same enthusiasm? What do we do when our caring efforts are met with a shrug, an appreciation that seems obligatory, or even indifference?

Recently, I experienced this firsthand. My grandson graduated high school—a tremendous accomplishment—and will soon be heading off to the Marines. I pulled out all the stops to honor and celebrate him, believing this was a monumental milestone. However, when I later spoke with him, to understand his feelings about his accomplishments and impending departure to the Marines, I was taken aback by his perspective. For him, graduation was simply inevitable—a day like any other. The same for heading into the military: just something different to do, but not a cause for major fanfare. “It’s just another day; I’ll just be doing something different.”  he said, matter-of-factly.

At first, I was surprised, even a little let down. Honestly, in the moment, I didn’t know exactly how to feel. I had invested so much care, energy, and emotion into these moments. But then I realized—he was teaching me something profound about expectations, individuality, and the way we sometimes assume others share our feelings and values.

Here are several lessons I learned through this experience:

1. We Celebrate Through Our Own Lens

   Those of us who are nurturing often see the world through a lens of connection, tradition, and meaning. We want to create memories, mark moments, and encourage others to see the significance in their journey. But our loved ones may see things very differently. For them, an event that feels monumental to us may feel routine, expected, normal, or like “just another day” to them.

2. Our Expectations Can Set Us Up for a Let Down

   It’s natural to hope that our efforts will be appreciated or reciprocated. But when we tie our sense of fulfillment to someone else’s reaction, we risk feeling hurt, overlooked, or unappreciated. This doesn’t mean our efforts are wasted. What it means is that we may need to release our expectations of how others “should” respond.

3. Every Individual Has Their Own Perspective

   My grandson’s view of graduation and joining the military wasn’t about a lack of gratitude, (as he showered us with big hugs and repeatedly said, ‘thank you’) nor was it about a lack of excitement; it was simply his way of seeing the world. For him, these events were steps along a path, not endings or beginnings to be celebrated with fanfare. His calm perspective is just as valid as my desire to mark the occasion.

4. It’s Okay to Celebrate for Ourselves

   Sometimes, the celebration is as much for us as it is for them, and that was certainly true in my case. It’s an expression of our love, pride, and hope. We can give ourselves permission to honor these moments, regardless of how they’re received, and find joy in simply giving.

5. Another Lesson in Letting Go

   My grandson’s response reminded me to let go of the need for validation and to respect the individuality of those I love. When we release our grip on expectations, we open ourselves to deeper understanding and fewer let downs.

If you, like me, have ever felt deflated when your caring acts aren’t met with the excitement you hoped for, know that you’re not alone. It’s a sign of your deep love and commitment. But it’s also an invitation to grow. It's a chance to practice empathy, respect individuality, and to celebrate from a place of unconditional love.

Next time you pour your heart into celebrating someone, remember: their response doesn’t diminish the value of your effort. Sometimes, the greatest gift is giving without expecting anything in return—and being open to the lessons they have to teach us in the process.

Blessings,

Coach Kathryn

Yet, to him it was "just another day"